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COOKIE’S CARIBBEAN ODYSSEY

SOUTH BEACH, FLORIDA

After a long flight (28 hours travel time) we arrived in South Beach for some warm muggy weather.  Hit the beach the first day, more plastic than I’ve ever seen in one place before.  Even the fat chicks flaunt it!  Did a bit of shopping and watched the NBA finals from a Sports Bar.  Saw a fight over politics with a yank bloke calling several chicks Muslim lovers for being Democratic.  Was very amusing. 

Went on a day trip out to the Everglades to see the Alligators.  Didn’t see many Alligators but the air boat ride itself was worth it.  Went to Hooters for a meal.  Food was terrible but the views were great.  Believe push up bra’s may have been a work place requirement.  Photo doesn’t do it justice as we got the worst girls in the place in our photo.  Went to a Major League Baseball game between the Florida Marlins and the Arizona Razorbacks.  Good experience but pretty small crowd.  Guess that’s what you get when you play three times week!

SABINA PARK, KINGSTON, JAMAICA – FIRST TEST

Had a reception the night before the first test at the Hilton which is where the players were staying.  Walk in to reception to be greeted by Mike Hussey, G'day Huss, G'day mate.  Great start.  The reception was free grog which we’d get accustomed to throughout the trip.  Richie Richardson spoke to the group.  He fly’s to England on weekends to play cricket.  Had made 86 on the weekend.  He’s still in great nick for a 46 year old.  And why wouldn’t he be, the West Indies retired legends have three women, a woman that bears their children, a wife that looks after their house and a girlfriend.  Needless to say its was only the girlfriend we saw throughout the trip who was a 25 year old model!  Saw various Australian players throughout the night.  Richie told us that Craig McDermott was the toughest Aussie bowler he ever faced as Warne and McGrath were really only just getting started when he finished.  Viv was the best batsmen he ever saw.

Day one saw us introduced to the party stand.  Why can’t cricket be like this in Australia?  I think my jaw was on the ground for most of the first day.  Walk in to the ground to have bikini clad girl put a wrist band on you for the free alcohol and food for the rest of the day.  Ground is a lot smaller than Australian grounds so you feel a lot closer to the players.  They were still warming up when we got there so we got a few good shots of players and fielded a few balls that came over the fence. 

Party stand had an above ground temporary pool.  Had good intentions of going in it but by lunch time on the first day the water looked very murky.  Resolved to go in day two, only to find on day two they hadn’t change the water as I’d expected.  By day three we’d broken the pool and water had gone everywhere.

The other major first impression was Gunja being smoked by 9am!  Given I didn’t have my first beer till midday, this was something I found quite surprising but would get used to for the next five days.

Crowd was also very small by Australian standards.  We were informed that it would get better as day one was a work day and Jamaican’s can’t afford to take a day off work for the cricket.  Day two was a public holiday (Labour Day), day three and four were the weekend and crowds were better those days but still not flash.  I would be surprised if crowds exceeded 15,000 on any of the days during the first two tests.  Crickets not as big in the West Indies as it used to be.  Kids are now playing basketball and soccer as that’s where the big money is and that’s what’s getting plastered all over there TV’s.

Day one also saw the start of needing to get used to backing up with a hangover.  Free alcohol the night before at the Hilton saw a few sorry head’s, but being in the party stand without a drink in your hand was frowned upon.  Usual process was to grab a free bottle of water on your way in, make sure that got down OK and then try to throw the first beer down.  It got to the point where if you started early enough you didn’t feel much of the hangover as you were drunk again before you knew it!

Had a few massive drinkers in our group too, including Big Pat, who was six foot eight inches and weighed 150kg’s.  Turned 24 during the first test and could drink like a fish.  The Fanatics tour guide brought along some Cathy Freeman style green and gold lycra body suits.  Watching Big Pat trying to squeeze into this on day one was a sight to be seen.  Ended up jumping in the pool to try to make it easier.  That suit will never be the same!

The Sabina Park party start came complete with a DJ that pumped music between overs, between balls, when fours or sixes were hit, wickets etc.  Not great to have blaring music on a hangover but helped the party atmosphere.

Also had an MC that run activities during lunch and tea including, slip & slide, six a side West Indies v Australia cricket match, hoola hoop contest (Aussies were terrible), skulling contests etc.

We had about 50 of us in the fanatics group ranging a fair bit more in age than I expected.  We had an 83 year old, who was hilarious.  Pretty healthy for 83 and didn’t mind a drink.  Lost his wife five years ago so is now doing some of the trips he always wanted to do – glad I didn’t wait till 83!  He’s doing all three tests and the one dayers.  There was a sixty year old who beat bowel cancer six months ago.  A 40 year old who was in a bad car accident two years ago and has spent the last two years having 12 operations on his arm.  Youngest was 24 and a lot were in the 24-32 bracket.

The free alcohol included spirits so it wasn’t unusual for blokes to be into the spirits soon after lunch.  Very liberal on the pours, pretty much half and half.  Free food involved packs of fried chicken every day, two bits of chicken, fried bread and three potato wedges.  Bit sick of it by the third day.

Day one was a great days cricket.  Already knew the bad news that Hayden wasn’t playing which meant Katich opening.  I hate Katich with a passion.  Dropped first ball he faced and then out for ten.  Jaques went early too.  Then a great partnership by Hussey and Ponting before Hussey went for 60.  Ponting went on to make 160.  Considered running on the ground for it, but didn’t like the thought of the Kingston Jail.  Knew how much Turtle wanted me to end up there and get raped!  Great knock by a captain who had been horribly out of form.

Day two was very big for me.  Drank from ball one.  Players went off early for bad light so nothing to do but drink some more and gets some shots with players doing some fitness work out on the ground.  Got a great shot with Matty Hayden who assured me he’d be back for test two so I never had to watch Katich again!  Went out that night to Courtney Walsh’s bar, a night club and then a strip club.  Made sure we were always in a group.  Can see why Kingston has the highest crime rate in the world.  Three murders while we were there.  Very dodgy place.

Day three didn’t happen for me – didn’t make it out of bed all day.  Had dizzy spells – think someone spiked my drink!  Aussies lost 4 for 15 late in the day to set up a contest.  Chanderpaul made a ton.

Day four and a great knock by Andrew Symonds with help from Brad Hodge.  Australia set a respectable total but its 50/50 for the final day.

Day five and a great first session by the Aussies.  Four wickets take the sting out of the game.  Windies can’t win from here.  Clark bowled superbly and awarded man of the match, quite deservedly.  Had he not bowled so well we wouldn’t have won as MacGill bowled poo, Johnson didn’t take a wicket and Lee didn’t have his best test.  At least Katich didn’t get a bowl as he dropped a dolly at first slip too.  With Hayden and Clarke both out of the first test it was a very different slips cordon.  Stuart Clark even spent time in there and you could tell Ponting was worried about the make-up in the lead-up as they spent a lot of time working on various combinations.

Day five finished early so we went to the Bob Marley Museum.  Not a bad place.  More Gunja!

Celebrated with the players back at the Hilton.  A lot of our crew got great shots and autographs.  I was keen to let them celebrate and didn’t pester them at all.  I’m told later in the night Brett Lee even pulled out his guitar.

MONTEGO BAY

Went to Montego Bay between the two tests.  Great place and beautiful beaches.  Thought we would take it easy for a couple of days but it wasn’t to be with food and alcohol all inclusive at the resort we stayed at.

SIR VIVIAN RICHARDS STADIUM, ANTIGUA, TEST 2

Antigua was very different from Jamaica.  Less humid, rained a bit, less Gunja, safer place etc.  In Clarke out Hodge.  We lost our one Victorian boy and our ability to chant “We love you cos you’re a Victorian”.  West Indies make a couple of changes, drop their spinner and bring in a Xavier Marshall who did alright.  Stadium has a proper in ground filtered swimming pool which couldn’t be broken.  Stadium is famous for “Chickie” the DJ and Gravy.  Got some good photos with Gravy and his finger nails.  Gravy is famous for wearing weird outfits to the cricket like wedding dresses.  He’s retired from doing that but still attends the cricket.  Got a photo with Viv which was a highlight.  Not as friendly as some of the other West Indian players.

Had Richie Richardson’s band (featuring Curtly Ambrose) play the night before the first test and also went to see them in a Pub after the first days play.  Curtly plays bass, Richie lead guitar.  Every time we saw music they always played “Land down Under” by Men at Work.  I swear they think its our National Anthem. 

Second test wasn’t as exciting as the first.  Had rain on the morning of all of the first three days.  On day three they only got out there for the last two hours.  It hadn’t rained in five hours by the time they got out there.  Drainage wasn’t fantastic.  Pulled a brand new Super sopper which had a big “Made in Australia” sticker on its roof.  The groundsmen then proceeded to pull the instruction manual from it and spend the next hour trying to work out how to use it.  We decided we’d play drinking games instead.  Day got very messy.  We went to a night club straight from the ground which I don’t remember much of.  Also find it strange that I was drinking there when I didn’t take my wallet that day……Met a lovely girl born in Adelaide who’s been living in England for the last eight years.  Is CEO of an investment company, loves cricket, loves a drink, loves sex and had great cans – what more could a man want???

On day four Ponting drove us nuts by taking too long to declare.  The Aussies should have had a few overs at them at the end of day four.  Windies then proceeded to bat all day on day five and save the test.  Great knocks by Sarwan and Chanderpaul.  Chanderpaul named man of the match.  Aussies celebrated cos they retained the Frank Worrel trophy when they had nothing to celebrate.  Windies fans happy that they didn’t lose.  Brooke encounters a very drunk Mike Hussey in reception that night and has a brief chat to him. 

One of the girls had a run in with Andrew Symonds that night.  Asked for a photo and he said no.  Said please its my birthday and he said what do I care.  Proceeded to argue for the next ten minutes.  She then asked him to take a photo of her with Beau Casson.  He took the camera and took a photo of the roof.  This wasn’t the only story on Andrew Symonds who is not a very friendly bloke!  Says he doesn’t like the fan fare – well stop doing ad after ad half naked!

CANCUN, MEXICO

By this point I think we were starting to think alcohol was evil but never the less we ploughed on to Cancun, the party capital of the world.  Won’t go into too much detail here as there’s not much to tell, except to say I kissed a lovely Mexican girl which sort of breaks my black rule!  On that note, I’ve abolished my black rule.  Saw too many stunning Black women on this trip to keep it.  I think I was basing the rule too much on the disgusting super model Naomi Campbell.  How she’s a super model and some of the girls I met aren’t I’ll never know!  Partying was great although we were there at the wrong time of year.  High School Spring Break – lots of 18 year old Americans who can’t legally drink in American so they come to Mexico!  Went to a four level amazing night club that was like nothing I’d ever seen before.  $45 all you can drink.  Acts on stage that were a little like Circ de Solei acts.  Lots of time spent lying on the beach or at the pool bar trying to get some relaxation in before heading back to work.

Other point to mention on the cricket is that Gus was there with his team filming another cricket documentary.  For those that don’t know Gus or don’t have Foxtel he’s the bloke behind Aussie goes Barmy and Aussie goes Bollywood.  He was their filming Aussie Caribbean Odyssey.  Likely to go to air on Foxtel later this year or early next year.  He spent a fair bit of time with the Fanatics so expect to see us on there.  Also made front page on the Antiguan paper one day.

Saw several wrestlers at the airport on the way home who were flying to Australia, including the Great Khali.  Massive man.  Had to put that in for Turtle.  Several others but none I recognised (even after looking up the WWE website).  Some stunning women with them.

All in all and amazing trip and very glad I went.  Disappointing some others from the cricket club didn’t come as I know of many that would have loved it.  Start saving your penny’s boys as I may return in 2012!